Chicago, Sept. 15, 1995

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Dear Immigration and Naturalization Service,

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I regret to inform you, I’m about to commit marriage fraud. Although I understand I may face severe immigration and criminal consequences, other than marrying a U.S. citizen, I don’t qualify for any categories of green card eligibility and without papers, I can’t pursue my American Dream. 

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Do you really believe a hardly speaking English foreigner may find the love of her life AND convince him to marry within the six months allotted by the tourist visa? I’ve tried but a woman has to have some pride.

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Therefore, my only choice is to pay a nice American for a convenient marriage agreement. If I find a willing guy—not like that stubborn athlete who models the undies on billboards—I’ll do it. And please don’t judge me; I’m already ashamed of myself.

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Due to my unfortunate circumstances, I would like to request the remittal of any ensuing penalties, especially deportation. You must understand I can’t go back to my homeland where young artists like me lack job prospects because of the post-communist economic transition. 

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My tourist visa expires soon. I appreciate your kind and prompt response. 

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Your sincerely,

Justyna Gil